How to Postpartum in an Era of Opinions
Quiet the noise. Restore clarity.
It’s human nature to fear the unknown. And for most women, postpartum feels like The Great Unknown.
On one end, you see blissful baby bonding on Instagram, and on the other, you hear horror stories from the people you know. It seems like there is no in between.
If you’re planning, trying, or newly pregnant, you’ve likely felt it already: the low, persistent hum of anxiety around postpartum. Because no one ever really shared the whole postpartum experience with honesty.
So you piece together what you can. And you’re expected to make major decisions based on secondhand anecdotes, Instagram Live confessionals, and the occasional Reddit rabbit hole.
It makes everything feel…confusing, overwhelming, and honestly, scary.
Even simple choices—childcare, nursing, getting help—start to feel loaded.
The truth is the anxiety you feel isn’t your fault. It’s the culture. We’ve made postpartum care optional. And that’s why you hear so many horror stories, from friends or strangers on the internet.
But it doesn’t have to be this way.
You can walk into postpartum with a sense of clarity that’s rooted in what supports you, not what has happened to someone else.
Mother First is here to help you tune out the noise so you create something rare in modern motherhood: a postpartum vision that feels calm, grounded, and entirely your own.
Let’s begin by following the 3 simple steps below.
How to Create the Postpartum Experience You’ve Always Longed For
Step 1: Quiet the Noise
Most of the fear and anxiety you have around postpartum doesn’t come from you. It comes from other people’s version of postpartum: the stories, warnings, and the “just you wait” comments.
They were never created with you in mind. They’re often unprocessed trauma from others who went through postpartum without support, handed down to you in the guise of “helpful advice.”
When you absorb it all, it creates a sense of dread.
The first step is about muting anything that spikes anxiety or disconnects you from your own instincts.
Treat your inputs the way you treat your digital algorithm. If it doesn’t feel aligned, hit unfollow.
This could be:
Mute the Instagram Stories
Exit the Reddit spirals
Decline the horror stories from that coworker, cousin, or friend
You can’t build a vision in a room full of noise. Clear the space first.
The result? You begin to make room to respond to your own instincts, not someone else’s trauma.
Step 2: Curate What Inspires You
Once you quiet the noise, what you fill that space with matters.
Think of this step the same way you think about training your digital algorithm: if you want a feed filled with kittens, start clicking on videos of kittens.
This is where you start feeding yourself the kind of postpartum stories, images, and ideas that align with the experience you want—not the experience you’re afraid of.
Look for inputs that feel grounded, calming, or simply “right” to you.
This could include:
Global postpartum traditions centered on nourishment, rest, and support
Women who had positive postpartum experiences and share what contributed to it
Trained professionals—midwives, doulas, pelvic floor therapists, mental health therapists, and nutritionists—offering expert guidance for a well-supported postpartum
You’re looking for what lights you up. That might show up as:
A gut “yes”
A moment of “this feels soothing to me”
A “wow, I didn’t know that was even possible”
The result? You shift from absorbing noise you don’t want to attuning to experiences that you do want.
Step 3: Identify What Speaks to You
Once you’ve completed the above steps, the final step is to identify what exactly makes something feel aligned to you.
This is an exercise that designers, writers, and other creatives practice constantly. They study the work of the “masters”—great painters, novelists, cinematographers—not to copy them, but to understand why their work resonates.
They break down what works so they can absorb and translate those elements into their own voice, aesthetic, and vision. The same principle applies when you’re designing your postpartum.
One could argue giving birth is the greatest creative act of all, so why not treat it as such?
Start by noticing the details that stand out to you. They could be:
How she treated her rest and care as essential, not optional
The way she relied on trained professionals so she wasn’t carrying everything alone
How she protected small pockets of time for herself, whether for care, creativity, or work
You’re not trying to recreate someone else’s postpartum. You’re trying to understand what parts of it speak to you.
When you pause long enough to ask why something resonates, you begin to identify the ingredients of your own postpartum vision.
The result? You walk into postpartum with intention, grounded in what speaks to you, without unhelpful noise.
You Might Be Wondering…
How can I plan for something I’ve never experienced?
The truth is, you’ve already done this for other aspects of your life. You probably have:
Gone to college for the first time
Moved to cities you’ve never lived in
Started careers you’ve never stepped into before
They were new experiences and you didn’t enter them blindly. You researched and planned so the transition felt manageable. Postpartum deserves the same thoughtfulness.
What if my postpartum looks different from what I expect?
It will. And that’s the point of planning: to create a flexible framework that can adapt as you do.
When your needs shift, you’ll already have clarity on your baselines: what nourishes you, who you can lean on, and how you want to feel.
It’s far easier to make changes from a place of clarity than to try to find clarity in the middle of sleep deprivation, hormonal changes, and decision fatigue.
Isn’t this overthinking it? Didn’t others just figure it out?
Many women did figure it out, but usually through trial-by-fire, miscommunication, and unnecessary strain.
You deserve better than survival-mode. Planning isn’t overthinking. It’s being intentional.
Just because previous generations didn’t have support doesn’t mean you shouldn’t. It doesn’t have to be a badge of honor you wear because they wore it well.
What Becomes Possible Now
When you quiet the noise, curate aligned inspirations, and identify what actually resonates with you, everything starts to shift. You’re no longer preparing postpartum from fear, you’re preparing from a place of internal clarity.
As a result:
Decisions feel lighter because they’re rooted in what supports you.
Conversations with your partner feel easier because you’re clear in what you want.
You begin to trust yourself more in every decision, because you are creating something that is built from your own values, not from someone else’s experience.
This is the beginning of a postpartum that supports you.
Don’t Guess. Begin With Your Motherhood Identity
A clear postpartum vision starts with understanding yourself. By working through these three steps, you’re already getting closer to understanding your motherhood identity.
Your motherhood identity shapes everything: what’s important to you, how you handle stress, and what kind of structure actually supports you.
The Mother First Quiz gives you clarity now—before the baby arrives.
By taking the Quiz, you’ll walk away knowing:
A clear profile of your motherhood style
What to prioritize in your postpartum plan
What to avoid so you don’t recreate someone else’s overwhelm
